Fixing Problem Recommendations
We have been all living in a world full of problems. So, we have developed a problem-solving mindset or mentality, naively believing that by solving others' problems, we could also solve our own. Nothing may be further from the truth.
First of all, how come we beset by problems of all types -- health, relationships, money, politics, and careers problems, among many others? It really is because we are living in a complex world with complicated people and difficult circumstances. Where do these problems come from? All of them come from our minds, which process our experiences, and they become our memories stored in our subconscious minds. These memories affect how we presently think, act, and react. We erroneously believe that we make our very own choices and decisions; the truth of the matter is the fact that our past memories control and direct, to a great extent, our conscious minds whenever we make our daily life choices and decisions.
The explanation is the fact that memories, both bad and good ones, become our emotions, which ultimately create or become our problems -- even pleasant memories from the past. But how do pleasant memories cause us problems? To illustrate, should you have success in accomplishing something, the pleasant experience satisfies your ego, and that pleasant memory subconsciously makes you want to repeat your success later on. That creates anticipation, and the requirement for more effort to guarantee the reality of that outcome down the road. The process may generate stress, frustration, and even disappointment -- the sources of more problems further down the road. If you look more deeply, the root cause of your problems is your ego, that you just want to satisfy and protect; Without the ego, there will be no expectation, and no extra effort necessary to sustain that ego created by your memories, and, accordingly, there would be no stress. Consequently, you or your ego will be the cause of all of your problems, and you are 100% accountable for them. Let go the ego.
During the process of solving our problems, we often strive to solve others' problems also, thinking that solving theirs can also be instrumental in solving ours also, because we erroneously believe that their problems may partly be responsible for ours too. Again, that doesn't work. Why not? It is since they, too, are 100 percent answerable for their own problems, just once we will be accountable for ours. To illustrate, the Russians tried to solve the Ukrainians' problems through military intervention, while the Americans strove to solve the Russians' with sanctions; In the process, not only new problems are created, but also the original ones remain unsolved. Solving others' problems is tantamount to "controlling" which never works in real-life. To illustrate, if a stranger says something provocative to you, you in turn become angry; your anger is your problem, not the stranger's. You're not able to "control" just what the stranger says; your reaction might not even "stop" the provocation. So do not try to solve somebody else's problems (the stranger might have mental issues); solve your own first of all, for example reacting negatively to the provocation or controlling your anger.
As a result, how do you solve your own problems without striving to solve others', or how do you stop thinking that others' problems have become yours?
The answer is "awareness" or "mindfulness." The fundamental problem is the fact that we "allow" the thoughts of a past memory from our subconscious minds to tell us what to say, how to proceed, and the way to react. To paraphrase, our past memories unconsciously control our conscious minds. and we do nothing to stop that. So, in the event the stranger within the above illustration says something we "think" is provocative because we might have encountered similar experiences before, we act accordingly to what we did before or what our past memories tell us. If we had no past memories of similar incidents, we could have no anger. We are all judgmental; our minds remember what we did before and our action or reaction anticipates the expected outcome.
But once we become "aware" which it was no more than a memory, and not a reality, we might think differently with different perspective. Problem-solving is about "awareness" -- what exactly will be the problem? how serious is it? where does it come from? is there a solution (some problems have no solutions since they are beyond our control)? what is the answer to it?
"Awareness" or "mindfulness" permits us understand better our very own problems as well as those of others but without attempting to solve them ourselves. For the sake of illustration, the aggressive stranger mentioned previously might have had a bad-hair day under extreme stress (although that could not be a valid excuse for the aggressive behavior towards you); your "awareness" of your lack of information might change your reaction.
The bottom line: frequently we create our very own problems through our experiences, our mental interpretations of those experiences which have become our memories to continue to haunt us. Being in the present may go a long way to helping us have clarity of mind towards our problems without striving to solve those of others. Problem-solving may not solve problems (talking to).
