Watching Adult Content Help: Diferència entre les revisions

Revisió de 05:05, 5 set 2019

Because of the web, porn has never been more prevalent. But does it have a place within your relationship?

Their bodies are toned and glistening and they have an expression of sensual, come-hither playfulness. They’re adventurous: they're going to try anything you want and indulge every sexual fantasy you’ve ever had.

Better yet, they’re never too tired for you. Also they can be in your home, ready and willing, at the mere click of a mouse.

Pornography might be more prevalent and attainable now than it has ever been. It’s easy, fast and very convenient to get hold of. And also you could be surprised to discover just how many people are using it.

Who watches pornography
Not simply is ‘sex’ the biggest most-searched term on the world’s biggest internet search engines, studies show that 80 per cent of men and 55 per cent of women watch pornography frequently. Virtually all couples (96 per cent) admit to watching adult films together.

It’s true that with the advent of the web we have more access to voyeuristic sex than in the past. Yet it appears that talking about our erotic viewing habits is still largely taboo and it’s a subject that remains within the shadows.

With so much conflicting information available, it’s hard to know whether you should be taking advantage of porn’s pervasiveness.

Should it have an area within your home and partnership? What will be the pleasures and pitfalls of using it? And, if you want to, how can you start a dialogue about it within your relationship?

Of the aforementioned 96 per cent of couples - in both heterosexual and same-sex partnerships - regularly watching pornography together, 58 per cent claim the shared activity has a positive impact on their sex lives.

Nearly half say porn has helped to spice up their love life, too, by increasing their confidence in telling their partner what they like between the sheets.

An extra 23 per cent of couples say watching adult material - relevant resource site - films brings them closer together.

Benefits of watching pornography with your partner
The numbers are impressive. Experts agree that you will find lots of benefits to watching porn together. It can add a brand new and exciting dimension to your relationship, as long when you are both confident with the decision and respect one another’s feelings, tastes and desires.

Relationship consultant and licensed marriage therapist Lesli Doares says: “Adult films may be a safe way to get into dialogue about what you each find exciting or things you could be curious about trying.

“They might expose you to new positions or activities you didn’t know about. They may also get you in the mood quickly.”

Anna Kingsley, a private-practice relationship counsellor and psychosexual therapist, agrees. “Porn will let you to explore your own fantasies. It will let you to acknowledge your limitations, identify your turn-offs and explore the turn-ons that you never knew you had. Sometimes we need a diploma of escapism to separate our erotic lives from our everyday routine.

“Porn has moved on immensely over the past 10 years, too. We now have women-friendly porn websites as well as what some describe as feminist porn.”

Mature couple Si U and his wife Ming happen to be using pornography regularly since they were 27. “We discovered hardcore porn on a visit to Copenhagen in 1970. We went to our first adult bookshop there, bought three magazines, went home, looked through them and made love all afternoon. It was quite a revelation to us.”

Si gives more insight: “I think good love making needs to start with making a break with one’s everyday cares. Watching just a little porn gets your head out of thinking about the children, work, the stock-market, and it gets the libido going.

“We have learned new sex techniques from porn. We have enjoyed watching people who quite a few body types, fetishes, toys, and approaches to sex. And seeing the different aesthetics and attitudes to sex in other cultures has been fascinating, too.”

Vanessa Marin, a leading psychotherapist who specialises in sex therapy, says Si and Ming’s approach is a healthy one. “Porn really can add a spark to your relationship. Watching sexual scenes play out in front of you can be arousing.

“A recent study found that couples who shared their porn habits reported having more committed and sexually satisfying relationships than couples who hid what they were doing from each other.”

Discovering your partner watches porn

But what happens if you discover your significant other has been hiding their porn usage?

Sophie M, 50, recalls the day she found concealed pornographic materials stowed away by her husband. They had been married for 15 years. “I felt betrayed, as even though I wasn’t enough for him. That he wasn’t satisfied with our relationship,” she says.

“I found it hurtful that he needed to look at porn in secret when I thought our sex life was good.”

Anna Kingsley says women often feel hurt and apprehensive in this particular situation. “It might make them feel suspicious if he is watching porn secretly behind her back. She could become mistrustful and hurt.

“She can feel like she is now another woman - that their partner prefers porn to them.”

So what should you do if you discover your partner has a stash of porn, or you find adult web pages within their web browser history?

Anna says: “First, don’t jump to conclusions and don’t attack, but don’t stay silent. You may need to speak about it.

“You should also take a hard look at your sex life. Are you satisfied with it? How could it be better? Could you use this conversation about porn to start talking about just how to enhance the sex the 2 of you need to do have?”

Aside from that, it’s vital that you take into account that, while watching porn in secret has its allure, it’s always going to be a somewhat lonely and voyeuristic pastime.

Real sex, on the other hand, offers courtship, touching, pheromones, emotional connection and interaction with a tangible person. There is little substitute for that. Unless you use pornography as part of your lovemaking, that's.

“I suggest watching porn together as foreplay,” says Vanessa Marin.

“You can start by watching movies that have particularly steamy sex scenes. Try talking about what’s happening as the movie is unfolding. Share what you like and dislike. This may help you feel more connected to each other.

“You can then play a fun little game by imitating what’s happening on screen. You might get some new ideas.”